Love your religion --
but troubled that women
aren't treated as equals?

From Leora Tanenbaum, leora@takingbackgod.com--I am observant Jewish and I enjoy davening (Yiddish for praying) in Orthodox synagogues despite the inequality of women and men. I like the Orthodox prayer book, I enjoy the tempo and tunes, and I prefer a service held almost entirely in Hebrew to one held in Hebrew and English.

My best prayer experiences have been in Orthodox synagogues. Before my second child was born, I davened (Yiddish for prayed) on Rosh Hodesh, the festival of the New Moon, when it occurred during the workweek, in addition to davening on Shabbat. I attended an hour-long 7am daily morning service at a prominent Orthodox synagogue. The service is held in a small room rather than in the synagogue's large sanctuary because during the week not that many people show up. Only several women attend regularly so the women's section is tiny--just two benches--in the back of the room. Because the mehitzah (room divider that separates men and women) is short, I felt very much "in the middle of things" and did not feel isolated or shunted aside. There is a lot of warmth in the service and I always was sorry when it ended. Unfortunately, with two children now, my mornings are too hectic to allow me to steal away during the week, even just once a month. I hope to return to my Rosh Hodesh davening in a few years.

Then again, my worst prayer experiences have also been in Orthodox settings. Several years ago I celebrated Passover, one of the most important Jewish holidays, which marks the freeing of the Jewish people from slavery and our exodus from Egypt, at a resort hotel in Florida. The hotel had made one of its kitchens kosher for the benefit of several hundred observant Jews vacationing there. We conducted our prayers in a conference hall where a mehitzah had been set up. One evening in the middle of the holiday, our services were relocated to another room. I was the only woman who arrived to pray, and there was no mehitzah. The prayer leader was about to begin. I went up to him and asked if he could please hold off for a few minutes until we could put up a mehitzah so that I could pray too. He sighed loudly, annoyed. Several men turned to see who was delaying their davening. I felt so embarrassed. Yet my embarrassment made me all the more determined. Several men and I found a room divider and put it in place, and I was therefore able to pray together with the congregation. But I felt self-conscious and resentful, and I was unable to concentrate on my prayers.